Monday, January 26, 2015

I am here

The court has been completed. the mandatory ten day wait for it to be official is nearly over. The children will soon be ours forever. Jack and Juno. Beautiful children they are. very loving.
I have been here about two weeks. In that time I have come to have a heartache. My heart aches for my children back home. Also for the many children here who may never know the love of a family. And for a country at war. For a people in danger. For the many young men who go to war to defend their beloved Ukraine and do not return, or return in a pine box. It is nearly more than my heart can bear some moments. That this beautiful country should be overrun by soldiers from Russia trying to take it over is just more than I can comprehend. No one here has hot water unless they have their own water heater. Russia controls the gas. so no hot water for you. I want to stay and I want to DO something but there is nothing I can do. I am one person. I want to go and run to safety in my home far away. But somehow that doesn't seem right either. I am in fear here that the soldiers will reach this city where I reside. and yet I can not leave. I must finish what I came here to do. I have so many thoughts all jumbled up in my head. there is no way to get them all to paper in a sensecal fashion.  I miss my home. But I know that when I leave this home I may never see it again. I may never set foot in Ukraine again in all my life. and should I be allowed the opportunity to return it may not be the same Ukraine I live in now.  I wonder how Ukraine's people must feel as no one comes to their aide to fight the agressor who just waltzed in one day and said MINE! They are ill equipped to fight this war.  Their former president sold all their military equipment as well as the companies that make them. Those all belong to russians now. There is little money to build munitions as their former president squandered that as well.  Now the Ukrainian citizens suffer.  Not only does the war go on here in Ukraine, it goes on in my home. Between the Russian and the Ukrainians. It is not their war and yet they feel it acutely. Every day I read a new article of war, of the horrors of war, the atrocities. I fear for my neighbors here in Ukraine, For my friends here. For myself I know I will be gone soon and only hope that shelling does not reach this location before I go. But the people who live here always have no where to go. no one to help them. The world watches as they go down in flames. A mother and child killed on a bus in a nearby region. How can that be right? Entire towns obliterated. A history lost. so much sadness and unfairness. so much heartbreak.  I do not know how to help. I am helpless.  I am helpless and heartsick.

No comments: